Switchboard open · Kettle on
Mary minds the phone. You mind the job.
Mary answers your calls in your business name, takes the details and sends every job straight to you, with emergencies marked URGENT. Messages go on the spike for when you’ve got a minute. On the Premium plan, Mary screens every call too: real customers are put through to you, your VIP numbers ring straight through, and time-wasters and sales calls are filtered out.
Free setup. £50 for your first month, then £90 a month. Go on, give her a ring. She won’t try to sell you double glazing.
Christmas notice
Try Mary in November. Take Christmas off.
Don’t wait for the new year. Start in November and your £50 month is your trial: you see Mary working on your own calls while you’re still about, and you know whether she’s worth keeping before December.
Then take Christmas off, or get away. Mary keeps speaking to your callers in your business name, and you come back to the jobs, written down and waiting.
- November Start for £50. Your trial month, on your own calls.
- December Happy with her? Carry on at £90 a month and shut the van door. Mary minds the phone.
- Back at work Jobs waiting, not a voicemail full of “did you get my message?”
Try her in November. Take Christmas off. Start today.
Your £50 month starts the day Mary goes live, so start early in November and your trial is done before December. Keeping her on over the holidays is on the £90 monthly or £900 yearly plan, once you tell us you’d like to carry on.
How Mary minds your phone
You’re up a ladder. The phone’s ringing. Again. Mary picks up, takes the details and passes the job on, so you don’t have to stop.
Premium The picture below shows how call sorting works on the Premium plan. On the £90 plan, Mary sends you every job.
She picks up
The calls you send her way, answered in your business name. Including the ones you’d rather not.
She passes it on
Every job goes straight to you, with emergencies marked URGENT. On the Premium plan, Mary screens every call, puts real customers through to you and filters out time-wasters and sales calls.
You call back when it suits
Messages go on the spike. You ring back after your tea. Or tomorrow. Your call, literally.
Please note Calls may be recorded.
Run by one person · No head office
A one-person shop. No head office.
Site Secretary is me and my AI helpers. That’s the whole firm.
There’s no London office, no executive salaries and no corporate bonuses coming out of what you pay. Your money pays for the service, and what’s left over is my profit. I’m not going to pretend otherwise.
I don’t answer to a boss or a board. The only people I answer to are my customers, so my whole job is keeping you happy.
Where your money goes
(Pinned up by the till.)
- Mary, and your phone line
- Setting her up and looking after her
- A fair profit for the shopkeeper
- A London office
- Executive salaries
- Corporate bonuses
- A sales team on commission
The Management (all one of us)
Now showing
Three short films about not answering the phone. No popcorn required.
The phone rings. Again. Mary picks it up.
Hands on the wheel. Mary takes the job.
No sales calls. No time-wasters. Lovely.
What’s on the shelf
Everything you’d want from a good receptionist, minus the biscuit budget.
Your calls answered
While you’re up a ladder, under a sink or on the school run.
Call sorting, on Premium
Mary screens every call. Real customers are put through to you, your VIP numbers ring straight through, and time-wasters and sales calls are filtered out.
Jobs, straight to you
Mary takes the job, gets the details and sends them straight over. Emergencies are marked URGENT.
Messages on the spike
Who rang, what they wanted and how to reach them, written down for your ring-backs.
Your own phone line
Included, so Mary has somewhere to sit. You keep your own number and divert calls to her.
Peace and quiet
No more downing tools to answer the phone. Drink your tea while it’s still hot.
Prices in the window
Free setup. £50 for your first month, including 250 minutes of calls. Then £90 a month, or £900 a year. Founders’ offer: our first 10 customers pay £800 a year, and keep that price for as long as they stay on the yearly plan. Or go Premium at £300 a month, with Mary screening every call. No haggling, no small print hiding behind the jars.
Includes 250 minutes of calls
- Setup, free
- Mary trained on your business
- Your own phone line
- Mary answering for your first month: 250 minutes of calls included
- Missed-call text-back
Not for you? Tell us within 14 days and we refund the £50, less what Mary's calls cost.
Your first month, and those 14 days, start the day Mary goes live, not the day you sign up.
or £900 a year: two months on the house.
Founders’ offer: our first 10 customers pay £800 a year, and keep that price for as long as they stay on the yearly plan.
- Mary answering in your business name
- Every job sent straight to you, emergencies marked URGENT
- Messages on the spike for ring-backs
- Missed-call text-back, included
- Monthly is month to month. Cancel any time.
Before your first month ends, we ask if you’d like to carry on. Nothing moves onto £90 without your say-so.
Starts with the same £50 first month.
- Everything in the £90 plan
- Mary screens and triages every call
- Real customers put through to you
- VIP numbers, like your other half, ring straight through
- Time-wasters and sales calls filtered out
Before your first month ends, we ask which plan you’d like. Nothing moves onto Premium without your say-so.
Questions at the counter
Is Mary a real person?
No. Mary is an AI receptionist. She’s very polite, never needs a sick day and has no opinion on your football team.
What happens to sales calls and time-wasters?
That’s what the Premium plan is for, at £300 a month. Mary screens and triages every call: real customers are put through to you, VIP numbers like your other half ring straight through, and time-wasters and sales calls are filtered out. On the £90 plan, Mary answers the calls you miss, takes the details and passes them on, so you decide.
What if a real customer rings while I’m busy?
Mary takes the job, gets the details and sends them straight to you. You pick it up when you’re down the ladder.
Can I hear her before I pay anything?
Yes. Ring 07488 898019 and pretend you’re a customer. Ask her about a leaking tap, a rewire, whatever you like.
What does the £50 cover?
Setting Mary up for your business (setup is free), your own phone line, and Mary answering for your first month, with 250 minutes of calls included. Your first month starts the day Mary goes live, not the day you pay.
What happens after the first month?
Before your first month ends, we ask if you’d like to carry on at £90 a month, or £900 a year (our first 10 customers pay £800 a year, the founders’ offer, and keep that price for as long as they stay on the yearly plan), or move up to Premium at £300 a month. If you don’t tell us you’d like to carry on, we pause Mary at the end of the month. Nothing moves onto £90 without your say-so.
What if it’s not for me?
Not for you? Tell us within 14 days and we refund the £50, less what Mary's calls cost. The 14 days start the day Mary goes live.
Now taking calls
Fifty quid, and Mary minds the phone for a month. Start today.
Ring Mary and hear for yourself. Then start with your first month for £50.